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Tatter who?

Q: So. TatterJack? Or is that Tatter Jack? Which one's right?   
A: Technically it's TatterJack. But a number of places you can buy books, especially in America and especially online, insist on the author having a first and last name. So Tatter Jack goes on the covers.

Q: OK. So let's go with Tatter Jack for now, in case some web crawler's, um, crawling here. Who is he?   
A: Tatter Jack? He's me. Well, like I said on the front page, he's me when I'm not being other me-s. He's male (which he sort of has to be to be a 'he', right?). He's mumblety-mumble years old. Well, he is unless I haven't updated this page in a while - in which case he's mumblety-mumble-plus . And he's a grumpy old bugger. I'd apologise - but I probably wouldn't mean it .

Q: Er, I see. I think. Actually, no. I don't. Aren't people who write about sex supposed to tell people how they're, like, young and hot, and know everything there is to know about, well, about being hot?   
A: Buggered if I know . There's rocks round here called me granfer when they was mountains, so I can't really claim young. As to writing about sex - I don't. I write about people. Who, believe it or not, sometimes - OK, fairly often - have sex in things I write. I'm told people do it (see what I did there?) in the real world too.

Q: OK. So you write erotica, but...   
A: No.

Q: Er - say what? It says right there on your front page that you...   
A: Yes. I know. I'm sorry. That's the Great Sin of Marketing(tm). You sort of have to get certain words in, and 'erotica' is one of them. But really, I don't think you can. Or rather, I don't think I can. Write erotica, I mean. To me, erotica's a bit like humour. Just because it's got hard nipples in doesn't make it erotic. After all, it might just be a description of Michelangelo's David. And like humour, one guy's Mary is another girl's Jane. So words that make one person hot, to someone else can be just tab A in Slot B (yes, Jones Minor. I can see you sniggering at the back. See  me after class.) So for me, you can't write erotica - only read it.

Q: So, without being funny, erotica is like humour?   
A: Oh, I hope it can be funny. Or at least amusing. After all, when you think about it, pretty much all of sex is pretty damn ridiculous. And that's sort of what I want you to do. When you read things Tatters has written, I mean. Think about sex. Laughter? That's a bone... ahem. I mean, a bonus.

Q: So you write about 'it', so your readers will, um, think about 'doing'? Is that it?   
A: Not necessarily. In fact, if a writer can make you think about doing it without anyone in the writing, um, 'doing',  that's pretty cool, yes?

Q: I suppose so. Have you ever done that? Written something without, um, 'it', that got readers thinking 'it'?   
A: Buggered if I know. Oh. Right. We did that already. But I am. Buggered if I know. You'd have to ask them. My readers, I mean. Or maybe read some of what I've written yourself, then you tell me.

Q: I see. Or I don't. One of those, anyway. Maybe I'd better go read some of your stories, and find out. So what should I do if I read, and I come...   
A: Oh dear. You're going to give Jones Minor a heart attack you know.

Q: ... what should I do if I come up with more questions?   
A: Well, there's a contact form at the top of the page. It's the button marked 'Contact Tatters'. I know - crazy, huh? Feel free to e-male me. Yes, or fe-male me. Or non-binary-me if you'd prefer . We're not genderist here, ol' Tatter an' me .